They smiled and waited dutifully, as the strung-out pregnant woman before them pushed their boy’s head down on the restaurant table and picked at his hair as if she were a monkey. The boy clearly wanted them, but the problem was that he is not really theirs. He is hers.
She had been begging to see him, so of course they had to oblige. Their goal is adoption, but they must tread lightly. Must not upset this erratic person who holds so much power. They had adopted the boy’s older brother (while the woman was in prison) a few years before, so it goes without saying that they jumped at the chance to take care of the boy when she asked them to help her out for a bit. “Just until she gets her life together.”
Besides the baby in her womb, there are five children, none of which are in her care, and all of which were at this table. Dressed up and wondering why they didn’t get presents or attention from this frazzled woman, as the boy did. Our friends patiently got through the dreadful meal, paid the astronomical bill, and scooped up the boy into the safety of the family van.
This was September. Fast forward to December, when the new baby was due. Birth mom was supposed to put him up for adoption, so our friends were concerned that giving up the baby would make her yearn for the comfort of the boy. There was nothing to be done but wait and see. And pray. As the due date neared, our friends got word that she was planning to keep this one. Sad for the baby, but at least this meant that the boy they knew and loved would most likely be secure, at least for the near future.
Then something happened that they had not anticipated. The baby was born last week with cocaine in his system and the state asked our friends to take him as an official foster child. Now they have five boys; seven months ago they had three, and saw no more in their future. One of them is still learning to bond with his family, while the other is suffering withdrawal.
I have never seen foster parenting lived out before me. The news of each of these children coming to live with our friends left me an emotional wreck for a couple days. What if they can’t stay with our friends? What will become of these children that we love? What will happen to this family that we admire?
I have another friend on FB that had an older foster child for awhile. He had gotten to the point where he was starting to call her “mom,” and shortly afterward he was returned to his mother. My poor friend was devastated – each night going to bed when “one of her children was not at home.” I’ve said many times, as I’m sure many of you have, that I could never do this. Could not handle it. Would rather not see it, let alone have it in my home.
Obsessed with Myers-Briggs as we are, hubby and I have decided that our friends are ESFJ and ENFJ, The Caregiver and The Giver, respectively. The Caregiver: “They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They’re very sensitive to others, and freely give practical care. [They…] will most likely be the kindest, most generous souls who will gladly give you the shirt off of their back without a second thought.” The Giver: “ENFJ’s main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this. They get their best satisfaction from serving others.” Looks to me like they are perfect for this hard work, individually and as a couple. Surely the Lord had this purpose in mind when bringing them together. Most of us sane people just stay away from these kinds of situations, in order to avoid the potential heartache, but the world needs some dear crazies who run toward the fire, not worrying about whether they’ll be burned.
Since it is Christmas time, this is making me think of Mary and Joseph. Mary was told that she would have the most important baby ever to be born, and she asked, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” And after three sentences from the angel, she responded, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” When Joseph found out what was going on, his heart was broken but his concern was for Mary. After receiving word from the angel, he did his duty without question; he fathered this child that was not his. Their obedience would bring them much pain, but through it, the Lord blessed them and the world profoundly.
Likewise, I’m sure our friends have experienced doubts, fears, and broken hearts. They have not had an angel to give them a direct word; they have had phone calls from a mess of a birth mother and agents of the state. And they dropped everything (twice) to rescue these children, not knowing what will come of it. But they can be sure that the Lord will bless their obedience.
Merry first Christmas, little one! You’re in a good home.
Joy in Life 